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One day, you’ll feel empty while pursuing your goals or your dreams. On those days, just remember the warmth of the people who encouraged you and believed in you. Surely, you’ll be able to keep pushing forward no matter what.
I think I fall in love a little bit with anyone who shows me their soul. This world is so guarded and fearful. I appreciate rawness so much.
Some of our engagement photos at Buddy Brew Coffee, taken by Angel He Photography.
Since I was little, I’ve always had a lot of feelings. I feel so much about everything. I feel like in most relationships, whether platonic or romantic, I’ve been the one that was more attached, more invested. Once I’m interested in someone or something, I put my whole heart and soul into it. I guess at the same time I was also scared of my feelings. I would try to suppress it. I was scared of being seen as weak, sensitive, emotional, or unprofessional. I would be frustrated, angry, or upset, but it’s fine. I’m fine. I would be hurt and sad, but it’s fine. I’m fine. It wasn’t fine, but that’s what I would say and I would try my best to hold it in, keep it together, and deal with it myself. Or even when I’m excited and overthrilled. I would still hold some of it in. It just doesn’t seem like others feel the same way or share the same level of intensity. I don’t want to scare them off or I don’t want to be an emotional burden on others, so I hold in my feelings until I just can’t anymore. And then my emotions would just explode. Once that happens, I feel like people just take it as a tantrum. I still feel unheard, unacknowledged, neglected, distanced, or treated like burden just as I was afraid of.
I’m currently trying to navigate the space to allow myself to feel what I feel. I feeling a certain way in different situations for a reason. I don’t want to keep discrediting and invalidating my own feelings just because I’m scared. And I don’t want to keep letting others discredit and invalidate my feelings because it makes them uncomfortable to confront awkward or tough situations. That’s not a real relationship. That’s living the facade of a perfect relationship, a perfect friendship, perfect life by pretending that everything is great, happy, amazing all the time and sweeping all the scary, difficult, awkward, and inconvenient things under the rug.
you’re not falling behind. you are still young and have a whole life ahead of you. you have enough time to explore things u love and experience your life and make your goals come true and find reasons to live. take things one day at a time and don’t let the fear of falling behind stop you because life isn’t a race.
People have delayed responses. I guess I have delayed feelings. I dreamt about Uyen the other day, but it didn’t hit me until tonight. Even when she passed away, I didn’t feel as sad as frequently as I do over half a year later.
